HAVE YOU EATEN? – THE WRONG QUESTION WOMEN ASK MEN THEY LIKE

By: Emeka Ugwuoye (DPA Family Law Clinic)

Have you eaten?

I have noticed quite an irony in this single question most women ask their men. If a woman, especially Nigerian woman, likes a man, one of the questions she would ask him if he calls her is: Have you eaten? I have wondered why they ask this question.

Many reasons come to my mind. First, it is just in the nurturing nature of women to care for a person they like – whether the person is a child or a 50-year-old man. So, inquiring to know if they had eaten might just be in the nature of women. Second, poverty is widespread in Nigeria and scarcity of food is a real problem. As a result of that, searching for or finding food to eat is a major preoccupation of the people. So, there could be a genuine concern that you could be starving. Hence, the importance of that question: Have you eaten. Third, when a woman likes a man, she naturally wants to position herself in an important role in his life such as being the one that provides his food. She is just trying to carve out an indispensable role for herself in the man’s life. That’s understandable. Fourth, there is a tendency to over-associate food with happiness and good life. So, when a person wants you to be happy, she will give you food or want you to eat something.

However, there are a number of reasons why the question – Have you eaten – may not sit well with the person you ask that question. First, for a successful and well-educated man, food is not his problem at all. He can whenever he needs to. His real problem may be how to avoid food. A successful man who has the means is more concerned about how to cut down on food. Everyday, he is learning how to fast, how to prolong the intervals between his meals and how to reduce the quantity of the food he takes or how to avoid certain food. A successful and well-informed man is avoiding or reducing the number of times he eats rice, pounded yam, meat, etc. When he wakes up in the morning, he deliberately stays away from the kitchen, he tries to delay his meal, Sometimes, it takes him a lot of effort and discipline to do that. His goal is to eat less. Then, all of a sudden, he meets a Nigerian woman he likes and what she is interested in is how to make sure he eats.

An educated man knows that he will die sooner if he does not reduce the rice and the fried stuff and pounded yam and nkwobi and isi-ewu he consumes. He is not poor. Food is not his problem. His problem is how to avoid food. So, why are you always trying to give him food? He may think you are not in the same intellectual frame with him if food is that important to you. He may assume that if he continues the relationship with you, he might not be able to achieve his dieting and health objectives. You could kill him with food.

If you date a successful man, you should quickly understand his dietary/health objectives. You will notice that he is careful what he eats. You will notice he is avoiding sugar. You will notice he is avoiding carbohydrates. You will notice he wants fruits and vegetables more. If you have to ask him about his feeding, always make sure you are referring to his type of food. Don’t just expect him to eat anything. You can ask him if he has enough fruits in the house. Also, you should know that a successful, rich man is more in need of rest and exercise than food. Why not ask him if he has gone to the gym or if he is resting well? When my children speak with me on phone, they never ask me if I ate. They always assume that food cannot be Daddy’s problem. He has food. He has staff to make his food. So, they would ask if I am working out or if I am getting enough sleep. Indeed, they are worried about those two – rest and exercise.

So, my DPA daughters, I urge you all; learn to be smart and modern. Stop asking him if he ate unless he is truly poor and is likely to be starving. By the way, if you ask such question, always be ready to send food if he says he has not eaten. Otherwise, ask the man if he slept well. Ask him how many hours he slept last night. Ask him if he remembered to work out. Instead of telling him to eat, tell him to take a walk for 30 minutes. Tell him to register with a nearby gym. Remind him of the need for rest and exercise. If you do that, your man will understand that you are modern, well-informed and that you don’t have the poverty mentality which makes food and over-eating the center of the universe.

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